Larry was my best builder. I don’t mean that in a corporate sense, although, in a corporate sense, he was in a category of ONE. Instead, I want you to take this personally. I mean this personally. Larry was my best builder, period. Here’s the simple recipe for becoming someone’s best builder. Do not miss this. This is HUGE.
Larry caught me doing something right, something bright, something he admired, and he told me. He told me that I was a “genius” over and over, to the point of embarrassment, and he meant it. In other words, he focused on getting his ratios right. Remember, great “couples,” just like great teams, transmit their positive to negative emotions 4:1. Magic.
Larry gave me his esteem, from a full heart and a clear mind.
AND, Larry, was committed to mastering his craft. Larry was always pursuing his OPUS with a masters dedication. He and I would read the same books and wrestle our learnings together. His perspective was always different and at the same time very aligned with mine. Funny, huh. His commitment to mastery gave him credibility with me. Do you see the recipe building?
AND, when I asked for feedback, he told me the TRUTH. The unvarnished truth, wrapped in LOVE. Eventually, our relationship would grow into one where we would openly tell each other the truth, in love. Never delivered perfectly, never without pain, and never received perfectly and pain free either. Over time, however, we began to see that each of us wanted to get better. We were figuring out how to live our tagline and, together we were improving.
Larry would want me to give you the recipe and spell it out from A to B to C. Me, not so much. I would want you to figure out which is A, how to nuance B, and reconstruct your version of C, and even throw in a D for good measure.
Larry, here’s the A,B,C’s of becoming a builder of another. I hope you’re happy with the recipe.
A. Get your ratios right. 4:1 positive to negative is the minimum. 9:1 is magic. Find the “bright spots” and openly esteem another.
B. Master your craft. Your credibility depends on you being committed to being exceptional. Nobody wants to hear the truth from someone that isn’t on the road to mastery. They just don’t.
C.Build your integrity. Building another requires that you aim at a life of integrity, first. Yes, Clive was correct – putting first things first makes second things more. None of us will arrive here but it is the only worthy aim. Aim at marrying more and more truth in your life and you just may be invited into another’s. You may be. AND, once you are invited, speak truth in LOVE. This is so simple and yet it’s always real, hard, work. Do it anyway…
Thanks my brother for being my builder. Thanks for building me on this journey and thanks for bringing your structure and order to my imperfect mess. Thanks for your patience, thanks for being an amazing model for me to follow. Thank you, my brother.
AND, someday soon, we’ll be reunited in perfect truth in LOVE. And, on that day, I’ve already got a bike route planned. I’m not telling you the route, I’m not sure which direction we’re headed, how we’ll get back, where the “white roads” may lead, and how long it will take. All I know is we’ll have a lot of catching up to do, so…
Side by side, we will ride.
Side by side, my builder. Side by side…
BUILT TO LEAD 
Thank you, Chet, and bless you for being Larry’s beloved brother and builder. He would have appreciated your A, B and C very much.
Thank you Chet. I read your blog regularly…even the ones that cause me to wrestle with a different perspective, because they sometimes speak a truth too loud that I am barely ready to hear whispered. I was particularly moved by this post. It was exceptionally beautiful. I suppose because Larry was my friend. I deeply appreciate your testimony as one who experienced & shared Larry’s “building” skills, but even more so, someone bound heart to his heart, brother to brother, builder to builder, in such an enduring friendship. That relationship is inspiring just in itself. As I look back in time, before Larry was with Building with you, I can see how he (and Kitty) were adept at building in quiet, but mountain moving ways in every place God led them. I am thankful to have been in one of those places. Your “A, B, & C” really are perfect. Thanks again, Joan Linbeck
Thanks, Kitty. And, thanks Joan. If you are both happy with the A,B,C recipe it makes me smile. Thanks for taking the time to tell me…
Thanks Chet! Appreciated the ABC and thinking about Larry made me smile.