Playing the hand that Jordan dealt…

Yesterday was a big day for me and Jordan. Jordan is a lot like me. He’s competitive, compassionate, curious and confident in his chosen career. He’s our oldest son. Jordan is thirty, divorced, doesn’t believe in God, and plays poker professionally. He’s completely unlike me. We struggle staying deeply connected.

My purpose, remember, at BTL is no different from my purpose in life – “To Awaken, Challenge, and together Transform a few individuals, teams, and leaders into ONE. ONE, distinct, deeply connected, and BTL.” This is why I’m here. This purpose is hardest to live out at home. Home is where the heart and hurt are one. Home is where I tend to compartmentalize, compromise, and concede – not in a good way either, in a give up kinda way. It hurts a little when co-workers or clients flip you off. It cuts you to the bone when it’s those close to you doing the same – or so it seems…

Anyway, yesterday was big for Jor and me because yesterday he decided to teach me how to play poker. I didn’t ask to be taught, I didn’t want to be taught, I didn’t initiate the teaching process, Jordan did. He wrote out the framework of the game for me on a napkin and sat it down on our beautiful porch overlooking the ocean. He wanted his dad to at least know how to play the game he’s chosen as his profession. So, he taught me. Over the course of the next few hours, I picked up the language and some of the logic. Then, he walked us through some actual hands. We played. It was hard, I’m certain, for him to slow down and remember what it was like not to know what he knows, but he did a good job dealing with his curse of knowledge and keeping it simple for us neophytes. We began to learn from our son. He taught us. It was fun. We played for hours in kinda a herky, jerky fashion as he kept forcing me to talk and play back to him why a certain combo topped another, why he folded, why I should have, why loss aversion is key to get ahold on, and why you don’t just play the odds, you gotta know the odd ball across from you. It was cool.

Yesterday was huge because yesterday my son decided to take it upon himself to teach me something that mattered to him. All I had to do was accept his offer and learn. I was happy to do so. Truth be told, I would have been happy to do so long ago. I could have asked to be taught. I could have studied it on my own. I could have told him to teach me at any time and I’m certain he would have done it. I’m happy that I waited and let him initiate and take the lead. It was a good transition from Dad to Chet, just another guy he’s teaching the game he loves. It was good.

Living distinct and deeply connected lives is real, hard, work. Especially at home. Especially with those you love, who’s love language and love objects are so different from your own. So, when you’re struggling with those you deeply desire to know, just stay connected, even if by a string or frayed strand that just the least amount of tension could snap. Stay connected. Keep your mouth shut and your heart open. Someday, when you least expect it, they may invite you in. Then all you gotta do is play the hand that’s dealt you. In our case, playing the hand that Jordan dealt us.

I’m hoping, today, it’s a royal flush…