Attention leaders with hearts…

…read up, this ONE’s for me and you.

If you care, it will hurt, fact. Believing in people is a messy business. Most avoid it because after all, it’s just business right? Not if its not, so therein lies the pain. I recently got reminded of this truth and thought I’d share how my brain and heart are in a battle royal with my CORE.

A client, who I deeply care for and poured myself into, suddenly went dark. Seemingly out of nowhere, we went from deeply connected to disengaged and distant. My brain was the first to jump in and point out the change in behavior. You see, the brain is wired to pay attention to things like this. Good brain, well done. However, the brain doesn’t stop there, it continues to do what any good brain should do: think, asses, question, rationalize, strategize how to ensure you don’t get hurt. This is perfect for when you are truly in a life or death situation but not so much when its not.

Picking up on the cues my brain is sending into the system, my heart (a.k.a. feelings and emotions) showed up. Confusion, concern and frustration eventually led to hurt. Yep, hurt. And we all know hurt really doesn’t leave any part of us very easily so when it gets together with our thoughts, more complex emotions join in on the fun like self doubt. Oh man, this caring stuff hurts like krazy. Why am I doing this work again?

{enter my CORE stage center} I pulled out a few decklarations from my CORE (listed below), that were written when my brain and emotions weren’t running the show, when I wasn’t hurt and full of self doubt. They’ve been vetted, challenged, rinsed and strengthened over the last seven years. These are the truths of me, my CORE strength, that I draw upon to guide my way through irrational thoughts and feelings. Thank you Chet for pushing me way back when, when I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And then again and again. Always growing, embrace the pain, do the work. Good AND oh so hard.

I believe…
– we all have fear, some are controlled by it, some face it and work hard to overcome it – the choice is ours.
– the more I lead, the more I tend to feel alone even though I know I’m not.
– you can change your behavior much quicker than you can change your mind.
– integrity and honesty are two of the most important traits a friend of mine can have.
– learning about and getting to know your self, is one of the hardest things to do. Accepting what you discover is even harder.
– peace comes when you’ve done all you can do.
– I cannot control anyone or anything but myself and even that is arguable.
– love is magic and painful.

I am…
– a distinct individual whose deep connection to my work is rooted in integrity, driven by passion, committed to purpose.
– a ‘thinker’ about my feelings even though I also make decisions with my heart, funny nuance to me.
– someone who has so much more to learn about pretty much everything.
– an active challenger.
– a beautiful ruin, a passionate fool.

I will…
– use my strength in relationships as courage to stand and control that which I can.
– make my life an open book.
– worry about my reputation with me.
– choose responsibility over empathy. Serve every client with a singular focus on making them do what they can do.

I love…
– deeply connecting with others.
– people who exhibit real effort to grow and become better.
– music and am inspired by the artists who write their “songs” AND “play” it

5 thoughts on “Attention leaders with hearts…

  1. Freakin’ magic from the doubledoshshedosh. Thank you for sharing your heart and core. I face this fear everyday. Never easy. Only gets easier as we let the hurt in and the love come out. You are better than a brother to me, you bigdoubledoshshedosh. Love you…

  2. I love your “Deck-claration” of Independence FROM fear TO love. This is the Builder’s Journey from self-centered/others-controlling to core-centered/self-controlling. Choosing love involves acute pain sometimes. Choosing fear involves chronic fear all the time. Love is willing to wait because the object of its love is worth waiting for.

    P.s. I can’t say I’ve ever heard Toto the little Jay-squacker from Kansas gush on-and-on about any other thing or any other one from Mizzouri… I guess that’s what love does

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