One of the major determinate factors in whether what stresses you builds you vs breaks you, is something so unreal most would call it surreal. You and I, lets face it, are not in control. It would be nice if Tim Kight’s borrowed formula (Chicken Soup for the Soul dude made it popular – Robert Resnick said it first) of E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome) were true. We all know there are these things called other circumstances, competitors, and countless other factors that effect whatever outcomes we’re after. You and I are not in control, remember. So, regardless our response, sometimes we’re gonna have less than desirable outcomes.
So, what determines whether something builds or breaks you – wait for it – it’s your sense of control. Funny, huh. When we study distressors vs eustressors, the difference is oftentimes found in the cranium of the subject. Some of us have a genetic predisposition toward more chaos. These humans feel more in control than they really are. They despise boredom like bad breath. So, they stick their nose in the middle of stuff and don’t get all worked up about it. Natural advantage, you could say. And, some humans have simply a hankering for hard work. These humans fail and get back up, dust themselves off, and say to themselves (that wasn’t so bad), and get back on whatever threw them and try it again. These folks have learned the growth mindset.
Whether you have the genetic advantage or have built the growth mindset, you can build more than break. All you gotta remember is to tell yourself that you have control. Whatever event rocks you, control what you can control. Tell yourself that you’ve got this, believe it, and get after it, whatever it is. The outcome will be what it will be. Focus on the process of getting better. You and I are not in control, yet we have more control than we give ourselves credit.
Stop looking for simple solutions to complex problems. There are no “hacks” to the facts surrounding your situation. Slow your brain down, deal with the collapsing pocket in Tom Brady like fashion, scan the field for options, trust your subconscious to tell you how much time you have or don’t have, and calmly, cooly, pick your target and deliver “it” just in time. As you practice this skill of dissecting your performance in moments of truth and learning from fails, you will find yourself standing in it a little bit more than you used to. Slowly, you will build competence and the hard earned confidence will come. You are becoming BTL. You will feel more in control.
E + R = O will be coming true for you. Good…