I could write this rant everyday. There are no equal partnerships in work or life. Someone strong and humble has to take the lead. Fact. If you simply want to stay married and create a transactional relationship you can take more than give. You can tip the scales in your favor and let your pride get in the way. You may get away with it, at least for awhile. You may stay together but it won’t be freakin’ magic in the making. Transformational relationships are worth the extra effort, friend. It just takes one to bring it into reality – one willing to lead in repair. Be one, please.
Recently a really strong client of mine got in his own way. We all do. He clearly offended his partner in word and deed. He told her to get over it, in so many words. His attempt at repair had him saying a classic no no – “You took it the wrong way.” Never tell another human how to take whatever it is they are taking, btw. Never. He made matters worse by continuing his repair with too many words. “I didn’t mean it that way.” Never tell another human their feelings or interpretation is the problem, unless you want a helluva fight coming your way. Nobody cares what you meant in a moment where they received something that harmed their heart. So friend, when repairing, use few words. When a teammate, loved one, or partner tells you that you’ve harmed their heart, soften your own. Feel the sorrow that you’ve caused and shut the #%$k up. When you slowly get around to opening your mouth, let it be with contrition, remorse, and real regret. Tell her/him, “I messed up. I’m a dumb ass. Forgive me.” Offer zero disclaimers. Own your stuff. This is repair 101. Master this effort.
Lead a marriage, partnership, company, community, family, or team of any sort/size and you, leader, must lead in repair too. Leaders mess up as much as any. The BTL leader repairs even more. The BTL leader understands that transformational relationship are worth the work. Humbly they repair. Pride brings enmity, division, and leaves the team feeling the leader is looking down on them. Humility unites us, brings healing, and leaves the team feeling the leader is worth following because they are in fact a human. Remember, we love to stick it to the man. We stick with the HUman. Relationships are worth fighting for. So, stop fighting with another and fight your ego/pride instead. Become a master of repair. Together you will transform. Always together. God, help me give more than I take. God, help me give and take care. God, help me.
Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…