Recently, during another tough team practice, I challenged a few people to write out the conflict between them. They had stopped writing because it hurt to see their stuff in black and white. This is normal. Writing about conflict within and with another is like having a root canal without novocaine – it’s gonna hurt more acutely for a short while. Prepare for this pain. Embrace this. Root it out, anyway. You would not let a dead root continue to rot in your mouth, would you? Why let diseased, damaging, and deadly thoughts remain rooted in your head? Root or rot. Makes sense?
One reason team chemistry is so rare is because building any kinda trust is hard; the deep stuff, desperately so. Your problem, most likely, is you live in some form of false harmony and have grown accustomed to “playing nice.” Your problem may be rooted in your abuse of power or your fear of another’s power. Your problem might be you don’t know how far you’ve fallen from the aim for which you were made. Peace, remember, is found on the other side of acute pain. Embrace this. Model the way. Embrace pain and suffering. Embody truth in love. Get to the root. Stop living in some kinda slow death rot. Remember, for many millennia humans didn’t have the option of going numb. The only option was the one my Grandpa Scott liked to remind me of when I came running to him in pain. Grandpa would look at me and make sure nothing was broken. Once certain my pain was temporary, Grandpa laid out some ccd magic that kinda stuck – “Buck up, Chester. Buck up.” My tears would cease, shoulders would straighten, and my body would turn ‘round to face fears and go play with the big boys again. It wouldn’t be long before smiles and laughter replaced all thoughts of pain.
So, friend, write for clarity on your conflict. Get it out of your head and on your iPad or iPhone. Once you see it in black and white, focus your brain on keeping your message simple – not easy. Clear, concise, and direct (always with respect) is the language of connectors who understand that conflict isn’t better when it’s rotting. Conflict gets better when a leader helps us get to the root and dig out what’s causing us chronic pain. You choose. Your choices have consequences. And, remember this, most conflict is simply a conversation to be had. Most of the anticipatory pain is worse in our head than in reality. Buck up, friend. You got this. Initiate. Get to the root. Good.
Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…