Shaming is the enemy of performance. Shaming another is pathetic. This rant, however, is about self shaming. You see, If you feel like you suck or you can’t figure it out, you will and you won’t. Healthy humans take responsibility and give themselves a break. They live in this tension. You cannot enter high performance while beating yourself up. Shame is like tying a weight around your waist and trying to run from it. That would fit the definition of a drag, wouldn’t it? The recipe for building strength instead of shame is to take responsibility, marry PA, and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Self esteem can’t come from another, friend.
Your self shaming sucks the life out of you. Many struggle here. Women moreso than men. Sadly, a lot more. I highly recommend the book Captivating, by Stassi Eldredge if this sounds like you. If, on the other hand, you feel good about you and can’t seem to find a partner or a team that measures up, you’ve got a much bigger problem. You are suffering one of the unintended consequences of many a high performer and are taking too little responsibility for your problems. You tend to blame others and circumstances. You look out the window and avoid looking in the mirror. You esteem yourself to such an extent it extends beyond a healthy confidence. Reading anything from C.S. Lewis might be just what you need to widen your perspective. Clive’s writing has a way of humbling the mighty. Good.
BTL leaders live in the tension. They look in the mirror, first. They own their own stuff and spend most of their efforts closing integrity gaps. This clarity allows them to look out the window and help their family, friends, and clients do likewise. We tend to see these few folks as wise ones and welcome their words, even when they pierce. Wisdom, turns out, comes from a willingness to work within. Wisdom, like any virtue, comes from real, hard, work. Wisdom comes from looking at problems, honestly owning your own, and slowly chipping away without shaming yourself. Wisdom arrives when dizzyingly high performances are married with deep humility. Wisdom comes from living in the tension, slowing down enough to study tendencies, and understanding how to extrapolate your learning into PA for you and yours. The strong, remember, are hard on self without getting down on self. No shame in that.
Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…