Here’s a helpful tidbit for those engaged in activities of influence like leadership, coaching, negotiation, sales, parenting, and the like. Whenever you are engaged in persuasive conversation with another, remember this. Your brain is easily overwhelmed and loves to go in only direction at a time. Left untrained, your brain will mostly focus on your argument. So, when it comes your time to speak, Coach, your speech will simply reflect what you’ve been listening to, namely your own argument – not your athletes.
Want more influence?
Stop this pattern of thinking. Next time you find yourself in an argument, tough sales situation, or a conversation with a teammate who you believe has more to give, don’t give them your argument. Instead, listen to theirs. Ask them open ended questions and tune in like an animal being stalked. Get them speaking and telling you more, more, and even more. Actively listen. Tell them what you’re hearing to validate/confirm your intent, not your intellect. Make sure they feel heard and understood. Once you get out of your head, leader, you can begin to reach into the heart of another. Stop listening to the argument in your head. Instead, tune into your team. Turn toward them. Hear the yearning not the whining. Make them feel heard and understood. Focus on the athlete, not the argument. Listen with insatiably curious intent, leader. It’s kinda amazing how the right words show up at just the right time when we trust the discovery process and listen, really listen with our entire being. Loads of listening. Few words. FM, baby. Who knew intentions are more powerful than intellect?
The influential, that’s who…