Not good…

This morning a great, longtime BTL client called to tell me he kinda lost his stuff yesterday. He got flooded and dropped some serious bombs. I let him tell me his story, fired back a few questions, and helped him figure out his way forward. It was good.

Here’s my reality, I told him. This thing is not good. I’m not good. I’m not good at all being told what to do, what I can’t do, and being forced to shelter in place feels like being told to go to hell. I’m not good. I’ve flooded more than a few times and completely lost it with loved ones, for crying out loud. My core has been tested and I’ve failed more than I’d like to admit. After a few sleepless, dark nights of the soul, I’ve found some new knowledge of self. It’s not been fun learning more about my issues around control. It’s been illuminating, antiseptic, and painful. Building your knowledge of self sounds good until a blindspot crushes your sorriness.

If you and I are going to manage our emotions through this or any crucible, we’ve got to build our knowledge of self. We cannot manage the emotion that we’re not aware of the triggers and roots deep within ourselves, can we? I’m not good and I’m going to apply my learning from my personal fails to level up, friend. Hard on self, not down on self. For me, it starts with a little less high. Strong core is followed by deep humility for a reason. Slow down and build your knowledge of self. As Richard Rohr reminds – “Someday the truth will set you free. In the meantime it just may make you miserable.”

God, help me learn through my fails. God, help me look up and not get down. God, help me look up and not get high. God, help me build knowledge of my blindspots and less focus on helping others see theirs. God, help me with my greatest leadership challenge – the challenge of leading me.

Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…

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