Anger, at it’s heart, is anything but an expression of strength, power, and vitality. Anger flows from an insecure heart and cries for respect. And, anger has it’s place in the spectrum of human emotions. In fact, anger has caused many a warrior to follow the William Wallace’s of the world into all kinda shit storms that defied logic. Anger can be productive for some things, some of the time.
However, for most of us, the vast majority of the time, anger is anything but productive. Throughout this work and this study of what builds individual and collective excellence, we’ve surmised the world is full of mediocre teams and leaders. Shocker, I know.
The great ones, however, are fueled by passionate people who’ve faced their fears, their insecurities, their anger and forged a way forward. A calm, consistent, disciplined, and even keeled way forward. A thinking & feeling way; not the other way round. These leaders, quickly realize not everyone shares their passion, not everyone moves at their pace, and not everyone has captured the same clarity about “why” we’re going in the first place. These leaders could easily be moved to become impatient and grouse and groan about those they’re around who don’t seem to “get it.” Instead of asking great questions and discovering the disconnect, many leaders get pissed.
All it takes is a couple moments of unbridled anger to shut the team down. Compliance is coming and mediocrity lies in waiting just up the road. Not good. The BTL Builder understands passion and getting pissed are close cousins. They understand they’re capable of both and only large buckets of LOVE can put out the angry flames within. They understand their bodies early warning signals and head off unbridled anger before it bursts to the face and screams from their mouth. This is not natural. Just like so much of what we’ve come to discover, this virtue can be built. The building process is always slow and it helps if it’s steady too…
Today, during practice with one of my few clients who “feels first” by his hardwiring default, we slowed down together as his brain began catastrophizing his recent loss. He took a few deep breathes and wrote. As he read his written words to me, his tone and demeanor had a calm, consistent, and matter of factness missing just moments earlier. He had changed his mind. Funny, he could feel the difference. He and I are gonna invest some serious hours in building his emotional intelligence. He’s got some great raw material, it just needs to be disciplined. Very cool.
Back to your anger problem, assuming you’ve got one. Here is the real problem. Most of us cannot see our own anger because we’re flooded with the anger of another. Huh?
Slow down, reflect, and write…