Larry slowed me down…

I closed practice with my favorite international client this Wednesday with a story I hadn’t told in awhile. We read Larry’s builder’s journey and I took the team of nineteen through the story and filled in a few details. I’ll always remember one comment, however, more than the impact of the story on the eyes of those I watched take it in. Prior to me explaining how Larry left us suddenly on May 21, 2009 while laughing with me about our upcoming journey to the French Alps, one sitting in the back questioned why Larry’s story didn’t include the “why” behind his being asked to leave the Church. His tone, I read, had an edge to it. In my heart, I heard someone taking a cheap shot at my departed brother. My justice thread was tweaked and my Scotch/Irish sense of honor and revenge dominated my ancient wiring. There wasn’t an enemy in the audience. There was no threat and yet I could feel my inner self wanted to set this fellow straight.

Three deep breathes, I told myself. There was only time for one as all eyes were on me wanting an answer. One was good. Calmed and thinking of how my brother would have coached me, I responded that only Larry could provide his thinking on why he left or included whatever he did in his short version of his builder’s journey. I let it go. I didn’t react. And, we moved on without incident.

You see, everyone of us has a sense of justice and it’s ruled by this internal justice thread that is overly tuned to ourselves and our clan, tribe, family, or whatever community we most associate. All day and everyday, outsiders use words, ask questions, and make comments that trigger something inside that they have no idea just happened. In fact, this same thing happens in happy companies and couples too. We interpret a tone or look, play an ancient script, and without thinking – let ’em have it. Most conflict is simply a conversation to be had. A calm one. Today, when someone or something triggers a tweak in your justice thread, remember it’s most likely a misunderstanding – a misunderstanding in your mind. Take a few deep breathes and calmly buy some time by asking them to tell you more or some such thing. Defuse your runaway wiring and return something soft and sincere. Good.

Larry was my best builder. On Wednesday his story made me angry and he made me smile. Somehow, just thinking of him slowed me down. Larry slowed me down and it was good.  Larry slowed me down.

See you later, brother. See you later…