Today, some clarity arrived for one of my clients. I gave him some coaching around caring. You see, he was recently asked for the root of his caring and tried to answer it all ccd. So, I gently corrected him. I told him to preach next time a teammate asks him why he cares so much. I told him to preach. You see, when it comes to communicating caring, more is, well, more. Lots more. He had heard me say over and over “you gotta care, but not much.” This is a saying from Herb Cohen that I’ve slightly morphed my way. Herb was referring to a negotiation technique he perfected while negotiating with the Russians back in the day. Herb advised his fellow negotiators to care, but not that much. Caring too much got you in trouble when negotiating peace treaties, especially during Herb’s time in the long, Cold War. So, he taught his teammates to care wisely.
When it comes to pouring yourself into another, you cannot care too much. Certainly you can care too little. The world is filled with leaders who could benefit from caring more, lots more. And, you can certainly care in any number of ways that are unhealthy for you and the teammate you are attempting to build. However, as a builder of another, you cannot care too much. In fact, throughout the history of humans, we’ve only gone through walls for those we sense deeply care for us.
Builders care enough to make another better. Builders care enough to not get bitter. Builders care too much to sit by and watch sabotage. Builders care enough to lose. Builders care enough to love. Remember, you can boil the builders journey down to knowing oneself (CORE), knowing where one’s going (OPUS), and knowing what one has to do to get from here to there (PoP – Playbook of Productive Action). Builders love their craft and their team. Builders love for both causes them to care – deeply.
So, when it comes to connecting your team to the root of your caring, don’t be afraid to speak from your heart. Go on. Let it out. Preach a little from deep inside of you. You care and you’ve shown it. When a newbie, outsider, or anyone for that matter, asks why you care so much, go on – give it to ’em. You cannot care too much for your team, friend. You cannot show them your caring too often. You cannot remind them of the root why behind your uncommon caring either. Go ahead, friend, Preach…