No opt out…

Yesterday, during practice 7 with a talented team of homies, one of the participants made a comment about changing one of his behaviors. He’s been told he’s the worst at multi-tasking people. Sounds like he does it all the time and he’s excused the behavior and kinda accepted that it’s part of his character – it’s who he is. I interrupted the practice to ask the team if they knew the greatest predictor regarding who would stay in their marriage and who leaves. I jolted them. For many the jolt seemed out of left field. It was not.

You see, the greatest predictor of who stay vs who goes has much more to do with their beliefs/mindset than it does adultery, abuse, addiction, or any other adversity the marriage is certain to face. Remember, all relationships are gonna face an assortment of adversity. Fact. The greatest predictor of who stays is whether or not they have an “opt out” belief. The same is true if you want to STOP multitasking people. If you really want to stop you must change your mind and give yourself a “no opt out” option.

The same is true when we study who makes it through SEAL BUD’s, West Point, or Green Beret’s selection school. According to Mike Matthews (military psychologist at West Point) all their predictive tests, talent evaluations, and even their whole candidates core don’t reliably predict who makes it through Beast (their version of BUD’s). Mike’s seen a whole bunch of talented, can’t miss types, not make it through. His experience and research regarding the greatest predictor for making it through Beast – “Never give up attitude.”

Want to change a limiting behavior of yours? Set some bright boundaries that your brain can’t miss. Give yourself no option – none. “Never give up. No opt out.” You can make it through almost anything if you give yourself no option to quit. Need more data? Read Angela Duckworth’s book titled Grit. Need more narrative? Read Eric Greitens book titled Resilience. Don’t want to study? Alright, go to TED Talks and feast on videos around this topic.


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