Is he there for me…

Let me keep this simple, men. According to the Gottman’s 40 years of research in the love lab, men have two major complaints with their bride/partner/girlfriend – “There’s too much fighting, and there’s not enough sex.” Women have two major complaints about us – “He is never there for me. There isn’t enough intimacy and connection.” We almost sound like we’re from the same planet…

Today, during an early morning practice with a really strong, masculine client of mine, I reminded him that he’s emotionally soft and weak. You see, his bride is fierce and ccd. She spelled out exactly how he could be the hero for her by stepping into a relatively small conflict with his dad. Sadly, like most of us men, he took a few years to build up the courage and wake up to the fact that he was missing this MOT (moment of truth). When he finally stood, it turned out to be no big deal. Most of our emotional fears, men, are like this – a figment of our imagination.

Men, being there for our women is a really big deal. Our Mom’s, brides, partners, girlfriends, daughters, and sisters need a man who is there for them. We can do this. In fact, we love doing this. We love stepping up and being the man in so many ways. We just need to tune our hearing a bit more toward home and hear the yearning (not the crazy criticism/condescending commentary). Hear the yearning, not the harsh set-up (btw, it’s only harsh ’cause our hearing’s at a loss). Turn toward. Of course none of us is Superman. We cannot be there for her all of the time. She will forgive this. Be there, some of the time. Be there, friend.

Let me finish this really simply, men. Pretend your bride/partner/girlfriend is asking you and go get the book The Man’s Guide to Women, by John & Julie Gottman, and Douglas & Rachel Abrams. I’m 58 and still clueless about the heart of a woman, but not as clueless as I was prior to absorbing this worthy read. Check it out. You will get more than you give, maybe a lot more! Good…

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