One of my deepest held beliefs is around control. I love control and can’t get enough. I’m not in control of much and am trying to make my peace with going with the flow. This doesn’t come naturally to me. I have to fight it.
Reality check. You and I cannot control circumstances or other people. You can only control your response to both. This past weekend in Colorado, surrounded by loved ones that I’m very distant from in a physical sense, I had choices to make. Friedman’s fables played in my head as some unhealthy thoughts entered alongside. Remember, friend, the ones closest to you will wound and warm your heart.
You can choose to remain open and loving,you can choose to shut down, and you can choose to get even. In Gottman terms – turn toward, turn away, turn against. Before you simply respond, naturally, to the input of life, it might help to remember that all virtue is built by your second nature – by fighting against your biggest enemy – your natural self. None of us leaves this life fully understanding ourselves, so, why not give some of those around you the same benefit of the doubt you’ve obviously given yourself.
Remember, hurting people are hard of hearing and they hear even less when turning away from you. So, don’t chase ‘em with words and don’t amp up the volume. Does not work. Instead, friend, try modeling the way, embrace pain and suffering and embodying truth in love. God, help me give a little of what you’ve given me. God, help me embrace giving some grace instead of flying headlong after justice. God, help me control my nature and stop fixating on controlling others. God, help me remember that I’m not in control, never was, and never will be. God, help me make peace with that. God, help me…