I could write this rant every, single, day. At least three times every week, maybe more, a client or BTL team practice participant, approaches me to talk about this exact problem – their loved one is going nuclear out of nowhere. My client tells me their spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or roomie greets them with incessant whining. “Chet, they just won’t stop and I can’t take it anymore,” they tell me seemingly at wits end. I always ask them if they remember my most frequent council toward this all too common malaise. Ninety percent of the time they can’t remember but beg me to give it to them again. Here’s what I tell them every, single, time.
Hear the yearning.
Hear the yearning, not the complaining or whining. You see, friend, when you finally return to your home after a day slaying dragons and conquering the world, your beauty wants to be with you. Your babe wants to fall into your arms and tell you about their mundane but meaningful moments to them. Btw, what is mundane to you may mean the world to yours. So, slow your sorry ass down. Your beauty yearns to connect with you. When you don’t give your full attention, the lovers response is to amp up the volume. I mean, come on man, they married you, moved in, and they never want to move on. So, of course, they move toward you. All you’ve got to do, friend, is work on transitioning a bit better. When you re-enter your lovers space, forget your battles, big wins, horrific losses, and ass kissing compliments. Most fights and tense conflicts that don’t end well, started with some kind of harsh setup. Control your piece of the tension and prime yourself to transition with open arms, open ears, and an open heart. Prime yourself to hear the yearning.
Hear the yearning. You’ll see. When your loved ones sense you hearing their yearning for connection, they dial it down almost instinctively. They feel your calm presence and know they have your undivided attention. They feel more, not less. They move toward and sense you reciprocate. You connect. Together we transform as we hear the yearning, transition toward our lover, turn off our technology, and tune in like an animal being stalked. Hear the yearning.
Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…