Today is our daughters birthday. She belongs with our family. She is a grown woman, autonomous and figuring out where else she fits in. She has a boyfriend and a few close friends. She works for a great company and with solid citizens. She is a work in process. She, just like you and me, is hard wired to belong and become. She cannot change this. It’s imbedded deep within her. This is true for you too. These desires are in conflict, at least some of the time. Do you see this?
Where are you on the road to belonging and becoming? Are you more one than the other? Do you see where compromise is needed? Do you see where compromise is hurting? Are you becoming one within? Are you becoming one with another? Are you risking enough to deepen both? Slow down and write. You are wired to belong and become. Are you?
Live hard. Love harder…
BUILT TO LEAD 
The notion of being wired to belong struck me years ago as I recognized the masses of people who gather with like-minded people around activities and causes. Our daughters played club volleyball and we’d go to weekend tournaments where hundreds of families would gather in a giant convention center for the weekend. Or our son’s baseball team where we’d meet up with dozens of other families around a group of ballparks. Or my club racing days where I’d meet up at a road racing track for a weekend of racing with enthusiasts from all over. Motorcycle rides, music festivals, sailing regattas, bicycle rides, you name it, there are hundreds of ways we scratch that itch. But it’s all very self-centered, expensive, time consuming and doesn’t really even touch that deep longing to belong and become. As I journey, I’ve begun to realize that the only belonging that matters is my belonging to the Master. I was created by him to belong to him, to be with him. After creating me, he actually purchased my life with his blood by paying the price required to reconcile me with him, to overcome my dis-ease. He calls me to become something new, to become a blessing to others, to become a channel for his love and truth.
It wasn’t until I was well into my 30’s that I found out I could have a relationship with my creator. Through my church I was introduced to true community, and through The Great Banquet I was shown what Grace looks like. I know whose I am now. I have a Band of Brothers that lift each other up. Through others’ stories, I continue to understand. Through my own story I have helped others along.
I wind down a great day of cooking, celebrating, BB gun shooting with my dad and son, merry making and game playing…very, very grateful. Grateful for the foundation my parents laid, for others to bring me along and show me the way and for opportunities to do the same. I am so tired, so filled, so ready for another great day tomorrow. I’m where I belong, and I am becoming BTL.
I can see these two desires, to become and belong, running deep through my entire life. Much of my childhood was spent wanting to fit in, wanting to be part of the crowd, group, team, wanting to be liked, etc. Heck, even as an adult this theme continues to run deep. I’m learning that this desire is built into us and is not bad, but can be dangerous. It can be dangerous when my desire to belong outweighs my desire to be distinct.
These two desires truly are so fundamentally opposed to one another. On one side I have this incredible appetite to be accepted by others, to be a part of the crowd, to be liked, while on the other side of the spectrum I have an internal hunger to be distinct, to be one of a kind, to be myself. My brutal truth is that the desire to belong (accepted, liked, etc.) has historically outweighed my desire to be distinct. Previously I have been common and hoping to fit in, instead of DISTINCT and deeply connected. The second is what I am after.