One of my love to’s is feeling life. I love experiencing emotions and processing my way through them. This is, most likely, due to my default setting regarding happiness. I’m fairly happy by nature. I laugh and love high on the spectrum. My moments of depression and sorrow are short and shallow, or so it seems when I listen to others speak of their emotional lives. So, last night as we shared a meal and memories with Miss, Pinner, Elizabeth, Jeff, and Jordan, I soaked in the raw emotions regarding our loss. I sat with them, felt life. My “love to” was bitter and sweet. Will be today. It seems like a million years ago that Grappy blurted out “focus on the good.” Time is deceptive, huh.
Today, friend, sit, walk, and stand. Love, laugh, and cry. Your emotions are meant to move you, at least the arousal emotions are. Listen to them. Learn from them. Regulate them.
Think. Reflect. Act. Sit. Walk. Stand. Use your emotions. Do not let them use you. These are the roots of wisdom. Today, I’m going to feel life. And, I’m going to regulate (not reflect) the room. I’m going to pray for God’s peace that passes all human understanding. I’m going to pray for God’s love to reign in me so I can rain hope, love, and peace to those ‘round me. I’m going to pray for God’s help in navigating our collective grief as a family. I’m going to focus on the good as I grieve. God, help me.
Live hard. Love harder…
BUILT TO LEAD 
Before I read day 20 today I sat and read my Bible, as I do most days. I then journaled a bit about what I read, and about whatever else was rolling around in my thoughts that I needed get out of my head and onto paper. This has been my practice for a long time, accompanied by a hot cup of coffee.
This morning I journaled about my new practice of yoga, and how becoming more mindful through meditation and yoga has made me realize that my mind never shuts off, that it is always going going going. I’ve realized that by adding these tools I’m learning to sit, move and breathe all over again – more intentionally – more connected. I’m learning to slow down, to be present, to listen to my body.
And, sitting has helped me regulate more effectively. Turns out normal sitting equals more effective regulating, more walking in love…
With the role I’m in, I have the opportunity to have a lot of conversations, on various topics, helping others work through resistance. It’s amazing to me as to how different it feels when I’m speaking from the outside looking in, with an objective lens. It’s easy to look at these instances with great clarity and provide simple instructions. Often times these issues/problems seem so much smaller when they are someone else’s… but when it comes to resistance in my personal life, it’s apparent that emotions play a far bigger role and do an excellent job at muddying the water.
I allow my emotions to dictate more actions than I’d like to admit. My self talk is where I often lose this battle. If left unchecked, it’s easy for the story in my head to get away from me. How can I begin to work on this with great intentionality and focus. When resistance comes, learn to ask better questions. Rather than focusing on what went wrong or where I fell short, the right questions help provide d with PRODUCTIVE feedback. What went well? What can I improve on? Then move on. Secondly, beware of the comparison games. It always seems like when resistance or failure occurs, I begin to compare my worst performance to someone else’s best. I’m working to define my own measuring stick instead of finding encouragement or frustration based on how others are performing,. Work in process….