Heartbroken to whole…

I remember back in 6th grade when I gave Nancy Adams a ring with the word love on it. She tossed it and me. Heartbroken. Not sure I learned a thing.

Fast forward to senior year and the Kansas High School golf championship. We had won everything that year. I was number two man behind Bryan Norton (future professional). We lost by two shots and I floundered coming down the stretch. Felt like I lost the championship for my dudes. Only Hughie touched my shoulder, the rest shunned me (at least that’s my memory). I cried alone. The next day I decided to take that invitation from Coach Odle and visit Taylor University. Played golf there for 4 years. Changed my life. Met Barry Krick. He taught me Christians could be cool. I had no idea. Met my bride, Miss. She taught me just about everything and still does. I began to learn to trust my heart…

Graduated Taylor and got a job at IBM. They fired me within a year for not passing B Module (what the hell, right). Heartbroken. Hardened a bit. I demanded an exit interview. Told my boss, Dick(funny, huh) and his boss, Jerry, they would regret this. Did not wait for their questions or comments. Walked out. Could feel something growing within me and I liked it. Within the decade they would try to sell me and CompuServe their gear. No bueno.

Promoted to VP, EC, and had a toilet in my office. Damn. Pushed to the side a few years later as Massman promoted PVC to president. Heartbroken? Hardly. I knew the corporate world was not for me. Instead of tears this brought clarity, focus, and full attention on BBTL. I didn’t know the name, BTL. Hadn’t imagined CORE, OPUS, PoP, or any of the framework. But, I knew my road was the highway and nothing was stopping my heart from beating a path toward purpose and passion. Learned to pursue what I wanted with a “no opt out” mentality. Realized going it alone on the golf course was good practice for going it alone in the world of work too. I was beginning to believe…

Jumped out the window in 2002. Miss had been pushing for years. I’m a slow, risk averse, kinda dude. Had to learn to risk it all, you know. Funny, looking back, I was just a chicken shit, wasn’t risking much of anything really. Fear is the real four letter word, huh. By now my heart was filled to overflowing. I felt God’s calling to this thing called BTL and, for the first time in my professional life, I felt like a soul on fire. Still didn’t know much of anything but was loving more than I was afraid. Beginning to learn heartbroken to more whole is some kinda recipe. Hinge moments hurt. I am a believer…

Lost my dad early, 26 years ago. Lost my brother in law, Gayle, nearly 15 years ago. Lost my best builder, Larry, 13 years ago this May. Lost Steve and Nick (Brother in law and Father in law) this past year. Lost Teeks, my best four legged friend ever. Lost too many friends to count. Many more to come. Fact. Heartbreaking, you know. So what’s the point? Life is hard. Designed this way. Great lives are built through hard times, you know. Hard times, as the saying goes, don’t last. Hard people do. Heartbreaking moments are hinge moments. I’m beginning to hurt and heal. I’m beginning to become less soft and more whole. I’m beginning to believe God’s got a plan and acute pain beats the hell out of chronic. I am a believer. I am learning to run into the acute stuff. Damn.

Was talking to a stud client this week about his work building world class athletes. He reminded me that all the world number ones he’s studied got wrecked and wrecked and wrecked. All end up on the bathroom floor a dozen or more times wanting to quit. Most do. The few do not opt out. They’re a bit more resilient and humble too. None of us, you know, goes it alone on our way to becoming all one. We all get our ASS kicked and have to put our hand up and let another pull our sorriness up.

Hearts are gonna become heartbroken.

God knows this. He designed it. Heartbroken humans are the ones that look up and see the hand of God reaching down and pulling them up. God uses other humans, even animals to accomplish His task of turning heartbroken humans to heart filled ones. So, my fellow hurting human, next time your hearts broken realize it’s part of the plan. Pain is God’s megaphone (Thanks, C.S. Lewis) to wake us the hell up. Pain is also the window pane. Pain is a window into our souls and the souls of those we love. Pain leads us to a new version of ourselves. So, friend, next time life wrecks you, look up. Ask God for help. Ask God to show you the way. Ask God to point you toward a hand to hold onto – to your few. And, ask God to help you see the purpose in the pain. I believe God wants to heal our broken hearts, wants us to move from filled with holes toward whole. Heartbroken to whole. En brera (no alternative). The more I learn the less I know. Good thing I believe God does. Slow down. Feel life. Think. Reflect. Slow down. What do you believe about your heart?

Live hard. Love harder…

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