I’m getting clarity on my priorities at the moment. This is good. And, this sucks. I feel like I’m back in 1985 talking to Pastor Rick Nuzum, you know. Unsettled.
I felt, back in the day, I was letting everyone down. Wasn’t home enough. Wasn’t with the team enough. I wasn’t with God enough. Wasn’t with myself enough. Wasn’t with my Miss enough. I wasn’t with Mom nearly enough. Felt like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. F&*$% me. Ever felt like that, my friend? I’m not depressed. I’m not despondent. I feel life. It’s who I am. I’m a feeler and it’s good until its not.
Life is hard. Setting priorities is hard. Living OPUS is hard. Loving God is hard. Parenting is hard and never ending. Leading is hard. Loving yourself is hard. Loving another is hard. Loyalty is hard. Letting go is hard. Living with regret is hard. Leaving things unfinished is hard. Being friend to a few is hard. Integrating life and work is hard. Day 6. Damn.
I feel better speaking truth. I feel exposed and vulnerable. I feel like no matter what I do it won’t be enough. I want to get drunk (won’t allow myself) and feel nothing. I want others to get me, yet even I don’t. Ever felt like this? Jesus felt it all and felt it more. Jesus knows your pain and asks you to bring your pain to Him. What do you believe? What are you doing with your pain? Look up. Get up. Never give up. God, help me trust you and your promises. God, help me.
Live hard. Love harder. Look up…