The same page…

Yesterday, during practice 5 with two high performers who are learning how to fight to improve performance, we began by writing the root “why” behind their most recent disconnect. They, just like you, have a boatload of buried conflict between ’em. Toto (me) is out of his basket helping them dig it up. Funny, huh…

We each wrote wrote for what seemed liked hours. Writing is such freakin’ magic – you really should try it. Here’s what I wrote. My thinking is the root of this disconnect is a lack of discipline in 7 good minutes, period. I’m betting these two haven’t practiced 7 good minutes since our last practice, weeks ago. You cannot build trust without disciplines. They don’t practice daily, weekly, or even bi-weekly, disciplines of speaking and listening to each other when the pressure is off. They appear to me, to be “event driven,” almost exclusively. Typical. They don’t have time to practice. I hope I’m surprised but fairly certain I will not.

Great partnerships go deeper. Going deeper takes discipline before it takes off on its own. Why do business people want to be on the same page without practice? Why do business people meet, meet, meet some more and nothing of substance gets decided?

I tuned in as the leader spoke first about his root why. He wasn’t close to the root. His focus was on specific behaviors he wanted to modify in his teammate. He was pissed and his teammate was confused. He wants her to communicate more. She feels she is communicating more than ever and is looking for specific help. Where is she missing the boat, she asked sincerely. She is confused. I asked the leader what he hears when his teammate speaks. He hears her defending, denying, and attempting to destroy his argument, he blurted out without so much as thinking. And then, knowing that didn’t sound so good, he added he hears curious questions too. Yikes.

The root problem was not around the problem they were mired in at the moment. This problem was simply a symptom. I asked them how many times they had practiced 7 good minutes since our last practice. “Zero,” came at me in unison. Funny, for a brief moment these two were on the same page.

Trust isn’t built in 7 good minutes. Trust is built kinda like this rant – boringly going over details you think you already know. Trust is built in marrying the mundane. Trust, between high performers takes time and repetition. Trust takes lots of repetition. Trust, between high performers, isn’t built during the game – it’s built in practice.

Practice. Who has the time…

Why is this so hard to get into the heads of my businessmen and women? Why do they think they have time for all kinda meetings where nothing gets done, nothing gets decided, nothing real gets said, and big ass elephants are left standing in the middle of the room? Why? Because getting to the root of real conflict is more acutely painful than the dull, chronic pain of half hearted relationships that are good enough to get by. You see, the root why behind so many mediocre performances has next to nothing to do with what you see during the game.

Yesterday, two high performers got to the root with a little help from me. I put them both in some acute pain on the way there. Acute pain gets attention. Two high performers are going to practice 7 good minutes as a discipline. Yup, they are. Every week they are going to do the unthinkable. They are going to TALK. Fourteen minutes focused on learning, not loathing, another. They are going to practice each week. They are going to “be with.” They are going to learn. Soon, they’ll be on the same page.

Soon…