This morning began like most Tuesdays with a 40 minute 3P in the palace with 8 of my closest nut cases. We pushed, pulled, and planked our way into some acute pain of our choosing. Good. An hour or so later, I turned into OSU’s field house and greeted Coach Ryan (Grappy) and his team of 35 OSU grapplers. We warmed up together on the indoor track. As Grappy and I ran with his team, he pointed out each stud and told me a bit about their story. His team just like yours, most likely, comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and demographics.
Some grew up rich, most grew up poor. Some came from broken homes. Some came from a place where they were beaten and abused. Some came from homes with two parents. Some came from murderous homes. Some came from happy homes. Some came on scholarship. Some simply walked on. All, however, chose this place, this University, and ultimately, this coach. And, every single one of them struggles – from the Heisman trophy winners to the walk on’s. All struggle.
As Grappy wrapped up practice today which, btw, was running intervals – 5 at your lactic threshold, 1 walked, 4 at threshold, 1 walked, 4 at threshold, 1 walked, and 5 at threshold, he introduced me and gave me fifteen minutes to talk about explanatory style. You see, these grapplers are ranked 3rd in the country and this week they take on the number 1 ranked Iowa Hawkeyes. Grappy wanted me to give them a little learning about mental toughness which basically begins with your explanatory style – the way you explain events to yourself. I told the story of Matt Biondi back in 1988 and the work of Dr. Seligman on learned optimism. I walked them through the A,B,C’s of handling adversity. They seemed to get it. It was good.
After Grappy had all 35 shake my hand and I was preparing my exit, one of his old coaches, Coach Drew, approached me with his arm outstretched and a gigantic smile creasing his face. He couldn’t wait to tell me he could so relate to my teaching on optimism. He began to tell me about his eleven tours as some kinda Green Beret/Army Ranger who also taught SEAL’s on the side. He explained his four near death experiences where he somehow remained calm and peacefully, purposely, kept working his way out of what sounded like a crazy, unimaginable kinda spot of bother. He then told me about his sun drenched face which I assumed was from his tour in Vegas, where he had just come from a few weeks ago. He quickly corrected my thinking. His suntan is the artificial type. He’s got Lukemia and goes to the sunbed so he doesn’t look some kinda sick pale, he told me still smiling. “I’m blessed,” he continued all kinda matter of fact. “I’m so happy to be here with these kids and this coach. Coach Ryan is the best and this team is the best bunch I’ve ever been around,” he continued. I returned his smile and, after a few more awe inspiring moments, we said our good bye’s. I was the one being blessed, I thought to myself…
As I walked to my car, I thanked God for this time and for letting me catch a glimpse of learned optimism in the flesh. Coach Drew, you see, has learned optimism. He sees his lukemia,not as a death sentence, but as another opportunity for him to thank God for today. His beliefs about his adversity have consequences. Instead of giving up, he shows up and keeps working. A,B,C. Adversity, belief, consequence. The way you explain your adversity matters. Your explanatory style is the beginning of your mental toughness or resignation. And, here’s the coolest part. We all struggle. Rich and poor. Broken benchwarmer and Heisman hopeful. And, we all choose either to dispute or distract.
High performers dispute. They choose to keep working. They do NOT go all nuclear and make whatever moment they find themselves in personal, permanent, and pervasive. Nope, they do not. They choose to work harder and kinda like Matt and Drew, they stay hopeful as a result. Mental toughness, you see, is rooted in your explanatory style. You choose. Your choices have consequences. Choose wisely.
Next time adversity strikes pay attention. Tell yourself to keep working. Kick your own. Keep working. In fact, work harder. Good. You and I just got better…
BUILT TO LEAD 
These wrestlers get it. When I wrestled, I didn’t. Happily getting it now. Well past my wrestling years. At least the ones that included a mat and singlet.