Best bidder…

As humans we’ve been primed to believe the lowest bid wins. This is true at auctions and false in love. When it comes to love we tend to avoid loss more than go for the win. So, when a few bids go mostly un-noticed or, even worse, extract a negative response, we tend to go turtle and stop bidding. Not good.

Here are some facts to make this tangible. According to Dr. John Gottman and his freakin’ magic research in the Seattle love lab, husbands headed for divorce disregard their wives’ bid for connection 82% of the time. Husbands in healthy marriages, however, disregard bids only 19% of the time. Wives are a bit better as the ones headed for divorce disregard hubby bids 50% of the time, while women in healthy relationship only disregard 14% of their husbands bids. However, these aren’t the most compelling facts around the power of your bids. Happy couples bid more.

Lots more.

When it comes to love, the highest bidder wins. Happy couples out bid the unhealthy ones by nearly 50% a day. This extrapolates to a stunning mountain of accepted bids that is built in the relational bank account of happy couples. The more a couple bids, the higher the mountain of evidence around them that they’ve built something substantial between them. This is good.

So, when these, healthy couples have a few bids end up in death valley, they can always look at the mountain of evidence toward the contrary. Emotional bids are the currency of relationships. Healthy couples bid the most. Don’t miss this. Actually, don’t miss your loved one. He or she is probably bidding for something from you now. Thanks for your attention. I hope this reminds you to turn your attention toward your best bidder.


2 thoughts on “Best bidder…

  1. Great point – consider modifying the opener …haven’t we been primed to believe the highest bid wins…the high bid at auctions wins not the low one? I wonder if you what you meant is we’ve been primed to make the lowest possible bid? Now THAT’S a really bad strategy in relationships.

  2. The problem for most of the low bids in relationships is drowning from the use of alcohol. We hide behind the acceptance our society advertises as a go to medicine to stay medicated. Take away our alcohol like the days of prohibition and we would see the home brews springing up all over the place. We are not thinking correctly or emotionally in touch relationally because we medicate. We can say all the right things that should be taught and held as truth, but we still medicate ourselves to avoid what we think is maybe a boring existence. Many are afraid to live inside because we dont want to give up our glass of wine or cold beer that so conveniently fits with all our interactions everywhere.

    Take away our alcohol and you will see the high bid everywhere. But thats not going to happen.

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