Last week some clarity came to one of my clients. He had heard me say over and over “you gotta care, but not much.” This is a saying from Herb Cohen that I’ve slightly morphed my way. Herb was referring to a negotiation technique he perfected while negotiating with the Russians back in the day. Herb advised his fellow negotiators to care, but not that much. Caring too much got you in trouble when negotiating peace treaties, especially during Herb’s time in the long, Cold War. So, he taught his teammates to care wisely.
Last week my client gained clarity to my caring. You see when it comes to pouring yourself into another, you cannot care too much. Certainly you can care too little. The world is filled with leaders who could benefit from caring more, lots more. And, you can certainly care in any number of ways that are unhealthy for you and the teammate you are attempting to build. However, as a builder of another, you cannot care too much. In fact, throughout the history of humans, we’ve only gone through walls for those we sense deeply care for us.
So, last week, clarity came to one of my clients. He told me he had no idea how much I cared for him. As is often the case, he connected to my caring during a crisis. He and I are in this thing together, you see. And, when the stuff hit the fan he expected his builder to do what most normal humans do – play it safe and move away from the heat seeking missle. Instead, I simply stood with him and thought nothing of it, truth be told. You see, I’ve learned over the years being a builder that you cannot care enough when attempting to make another do what they can. And, you’ve got to anticipate the saboteurs are coming. You build within simply so you can stand. You see, builders care.
Builders care enough to make another better. Builders care enough to not get bitter. Builders care too much to sit by and watch sabotage. Builders care enough to lose. Builders care enough to love. Remember, you can boil the builders journey down to knowing oneself (CORE), knowing where one’s going (OPUS), and knowing what one has to do to get from here to there (PoP – Playbook of Productive Action). Builders love their craft and their team. Builders love for both causes them to care – deeply.
Builders care. What’s your team catching from you, builder? Good…