Yesterday, a one on one practice ended with the focus on home. My client shared a struggle regarding his aim for becoming one with his bride. He shared his struggle. He trusted me and, together, we improved. Today, a one on one practice ended with the focus on work and becoming one with distinctly different partners. Both practices went exactly where the current took us. Both practices ended with clients looking like they had seem some sorta light. The issues could not have been more different. The root reasons, however, were nearly identical. You see, both clients, kinda like you and me, have greater clarity around others need to change than their own. Marinate in this thought from Robert Quinn in his worthy read titled Deep Change.
“Perhaps the most difficult thing to comprehend about deep change has to do with our relationships with others. When we see the need for deep change, we usually see it as something that needs to take place in someone else. In our roles of authority, such as parent, teacher, or boss, we are particularly quick to direct others to change. Such directives often fail, and we respond to the resistance by increasing our efforts. The power struggle that follows seldom results in change or brings about excellence. One of the most important insights about the need to bring about deep change in others has to do with where deep change actually starts.”
My relationship with Miss and her illness, was driving me crazy, at least that’s the script I kept playing in my head. It wasn’t until I slowed down and analyzed my thoughts that I realized I was the one in need of deep change. Yesterday, my bride asked me what had changed my mind. You see, she had just prior shared some illuminating truth – she told me she felt supported by me. As I wiped away the tears and shame of my selfishness, a peace washed over me. The facts don’t lie. Miss wasn’t making me nuts, I was.
Today, you have some choices to make regarding your relationships and whatever is causing your blood pressure to rise. Begin the search within, friend. Begin within. Slow down and sit quietly. Write. Like me and my clients, you may come to see the light and begin the deep change within. As for me, I’ll continue to be my greatest leadership challenge. And, thank God I’ve got so many clients to teach. Yes, thank God for clients and challenging work. It is good to learn, grow, and serve. Who knew it could be so self serving in an unintended kinda way.
You see, the more I teach, the more I learn, and the less I know. Good…