No regrets is not the one you want and “no regrets” is a foundational belief of so many among us. In Christian Smith’s worthwhile read, Lost in Transition he identifies “no regrets” as a bolt on belief for many of our young adults. When one lives without regret where is the impetus to right a wrong? If you allow yourself to feel no regret, what would prompt you to repair? You and I are flawed, aren’t we? If we never feel regret we must feel justified. If our behaviors are always just, we must see ourselves as righteous. If we think of ourselves as righteous and others as problems are we thinking rationally or simply rationalizing. Living without regret is self deception, isn’t it?
No regrets leads to no repair. No repair leads to a sense of self righteousness even though we know we’re sideways with some in our circle. Real regret, on the other hand, is the gateway to transformational relationship. When I regret how I’ve treated another, I’m no longer self absorbed. Instead, I’m actually imagining what it must have felt like in another’s shoe. I’m not seeing an object in my path, but instead another person.
Real regret leads to repair and repair leads to relationship. Real relationship leads to real results. Real results attracts results oriented people toward you. The stronger and humbler you become, the stronger teammates you attract. Mass attracts mass, remember.
Your people are not your problem. Your lack of regret, may be. BTL leaders understand this and understand their tendency. It’s easier to teach a tender heart to toughen up than it is to teach a toughee to build tenderness too. BTL leaders are tough and tender repairmen/women. Real repair leads to better results. Real repair, however, begins with regret.
Regret. Repair. Real results. Together we improve, especially when led by masters in repair. Good…