Turn toward…

As humans we’ve been primed to believe the lowest bid wins. This is true at auctions and false when it comes to authentic relationships in work and life. When it comes to relationships we tend to avoid loss more than go for the win. So, when a few bids go mostly un-noticed or, even worse, extract a negative response, we tend to go turtle and stop bidding. Not good.

According to Dr. John Gottman and his research in the Seattle love lab, husbands headed for divorce disregard their wives’ bid for connection 82% of the time. Husbands in healthy marriages, however, disregard bids only 19% of the time. Wives are a bit better, as the ones headed for divorce disregard hubby bids 50% of the time, while women in healthy relationship only disregard 14% of their husbands bids. However, these aren’t the most compelling facts around the power of your bids. Happy couples bid more. Lots more. Happy teammates bid more too.

When it comes to relationships, the highest bidder wins. Happy couples out bid the unhealthy ones by nearly 50% a day. This extrapolates to a mountain of accepted bids built in the relational bank account of happy couples and teams. The more a couple bids the higher the mountain of evidence that they’ve built something substantial between them. This is good. So, when these, healthy couples/teammates have a few bids end up in death valley, they can always look at the mountain of evidence toward the contrary.

Emotional bids are the currency of relationships. Healthy couples and happy teammates bid the most. In relationships, the most bids wins. Keep bidding with your loved ones and your teammates. Bid more. And, turn toward those who are bidding for your attention. Turn toward. Good…

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