Today, during practice 42 with Lauren’s Leaders, we talked about the aim of BTL is the same aim of Epictetus, Confucius, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, Seneca, or any modern thinker. The aim is to be who you are and stay connected with those very different from you. Distinct and deeply connected is the one you want. Most of the strong, it seems, become distinct and disconnected. Here, friend is the mistake that leads so many strongmen and women to disconnect – they focus their efforts on changing the weaker instead of continuing to change the one human they can make even stronger, themselves. Don’t do that. The best way to stay connected with the weaker around you is to stop trying to change them and focus on changing you, become a more distinct you, a more authentic you, a more giving you. Model the way. Embrace pain and suffering. Embody truth in love.
Stay connected without changing who you are. Be who you are. Be who you are regardless where you are, or whom you’re with. Work on this. You’ll see. You’ve got plenty of room to grow within. Keep working. The team is writing at 8:59 what baby step they want to put in play to become more distinct. Men have hobbies. Men go quietly to the woods or quietly work with wood. Women have been wired to be gatherers, men have been wired to be killers. Men go into the woods and walk away from each other as they flare out to ensnare their game. Women walk together and gather wood, berries, and other vegetation for the tribe. All the while, women laugh and talk out loud. Men drink to distract like none other. Women shop. Of course these are stereotypes. Some men shop and talk. Some women drink alone. All seek to self soothe. Shopping and drinking are not self soothing, however. Both may offer temporary relief, but neither satisfy the soul.
Today during practice 42 we talked about building a strong CORE so you can internally soothe when life isn’t so smooth. We talked about Epictetus teaching back in the second century that the challenge was to take your learning from the classroom to the living room, locker room, wrestling room, and any other room where real life resides. BTL is not here to make you look good or feel good about what you’ve learned in our classroom, if you will. BTL is here to make you good. We want to be a catalyst for our family, friends, and clients to live a life internally aligned and externally focused on your OPUS, your labor of love. Today, a few young leaders were given the opportunity to learn a lot. A man got emotional and it wasn’t anger expressed. Nope, a man got emotional and tears flowed. It was good. Other men tried to distract him by fixing him in the moment. I quickly put an end to that. We let the tears come and made this man think, not distract. We got better as did he.
Friend, “distinct and deeply connected” is a catchy phrase. It’s meant to be. However, distinct and deeply connected is much more than words you mouth to sound cool or kinda all BTL, if you will. Distinct and deeply connected describes real community, the kind you can’t imagine until you’re in it, the kind we’re building at k-dev, Choice, OSU, Lockton, HCM, ASF, Homeside, and in our homes. Distinct and deeply connected is never easy but always worth the work. So, friend, don’t get discouraged and tell yourself that you and your partner aren’t ever gonna get there. Instead, replace the childhood script with one from today. Remind yourself to keep working, keep putting forth a full effort, and that as long as you’re still breathing you’re good.
Keep working. Good…