Exhausted. Not beaten…

This morning, as I reflect on another week filled with poison and wine, I’m reminded how grateful, blessed, burdened, and bummed is simply the season, regardless the time of year.

Sister Sue had to put her beloved wiener dog, Scooby, down yesterday. Her heart is surely broken this Sunday. And, Sister Sue, has the joy and lasting memory of fourteen years with a loyal, loving animal. Bummed. Blessed. Tis the gig.

Recently, a client wrote me and told me I wasn’t doing my job. He’s been going through more poison than wine and I’ve been holding back in making him do what he can. He has sensed this and, God bless him, wants none of it. Here’s a portion of his letter. He’s lost his dog and so much more this past year. Somehow, he’s kept it together enough to ask his builder for more hurt that heals. Me, I’d be asking for understanding and making sure my builder backed off. I mean come on, man, time and place for everything, right? Here’s what my client asked me for.

“I’m Not driving enough funding to my charity and not growing the business fast enough. I’m fat and lonely as shit. Merry Christmas.

So why am I telling you? Why not call my mom?

Because I’m Not pushing hard enough, fighting hard enough. I am finishing the day beaten, but not exhausted. I need to finish the day exhausted, but not beaten. I’m getting the shit kicked out of me. And I still have a long way to go. I am working on my clarity, my opus. I need you demanding more of me. I either have what it takes to win, or have what it takes to die trying. Not sure which, but I know I have one of the two. All I know is I’m not liking where I’m at. Move, or die trying. Demand it from me.”

Finish the day exhausted, but not beaten. Finish the day a good tired, friend. Find a friend who will make you do what you can. Find an opus worth fighting through your feelings. God, help my client feel your presence and regain the sense that he always belongs, at least with his maker. God, help me demand more from myself by relying more on you. God, help me finish strong. God, help me.

Exhausted. Not beaten. God, help me…

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