According to John & Julie Gottman (freakin’ genius relationship scientists) the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” regarding relationships are – Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling. Avoid these. Consider them the plague. Here’s the BTL four healers. Feel free to overdose on these, friend.
1. When talking about anything tough, remember to give the teammate some anesthesia before you open ’em up. Don’t forget to start soft, stay soft, and end soft. Tough conversations are best delivered from tender hearts. Soft hearts are strong enough to hear hard truths and speak ‘em too. Soft hearts deliver hard truths that are more likely to be heard. Tough and tender, remember.
2. Instead of mastering triple d, become a master of “tell me more.” Develop the habit of hearing the yearning, not the whining. As you hear the yearning for connection from your partner, friend, neighbor, or loved one, let it in – turn toward. Nothing unites us more than the ability to turn toward each other. Turn toward. Let it in. Absorb. Your strong BTL core will help you decide what to do once you’ve digested it.
3. Repair. Become a master repairman/woman. All relationships are built by broken people. None of us is whole. None. Know this and lead the way in repairing with those around you. Forgiveness and restoration are only for the strong – the lovestrong. Lovestrong, friend. Live hard. Love harder. Lead in repair, leader.
4. Accept influence. Oh God, do I really have to do this! This is the hardest one for me and maybe for you. I love to influence another. I love to be right and make things right. I love to fix other people (what a warped thought) and find it hard to admit I’m wrong and accept another’s attempt to fix me. Houston, we’ve got a problem. Remember this, friend, nothing say’s “I love you” more than letting another influence you. Men, this is extremely important for us. According to the Gottman’s research, a husbands willingness to accept influence from his bride is a leading indicator of a happy home. Slow down and sit with this one for awhile…
Thanks, Miss, Mom, and many more for your grace and patience with me. Thanks, God for your amazing Grace. God, help me avoid mastering the four horsees, and, instead, become a master in humility. God, help me master the four healers. God, help me live hard and love harder.
Live hard. Love harder (Thanks, Teeks)…