One of my favorite, most transformative clients/friend (they all become close friends, btw) recently wrote me a challenging question about my theory around become and belong. I believe this is deeply wired into our being. All humans are unique and all share certain elements from our designer. One of the deepest is the desire to become the original we already are and to belong with our few – tribe, clan, family, or some form of community where we fit, you know? She made a good case for changing the word becoming to the word accepting. We’ve all got to accept ourselves, this is true. The need, the deeper need is to transform…

Accepting is too passive to be the root need, you see. We are made to move. We do not become who we are staring at our navels (many of my clients, early in the process, claim that’s all we do. Nothing could be further from the truth). We become who we already are by transforming from who others tell us we are, what our fear based brain wants us to settle for being, and what we think will get us accepted in community of our choosing. Yes, friend, becoming and belonging are at odds – always have been, always will be. Slow down. Reflect. Think about you. Think about your few. None of us perfectly align with anyone or anywhere. Truth. Damn.

So don’t accept yourself as you are and stop striving for a better version of you. Keep becoming and accept the process is by divine design. Hard on self, not down on self – remember. You are not meant to stop this process of becoming and belonging until you’ve breathed your last. Accept that none of us arrives. Accept that perfection isn’t the point. Measure progress looking back. See the evolution. Thank God for your growth in becoming. Grab hold of the hand/hands beside you. Let’s freakin’ go. I’m not promising easy but I know you’re meant for more than easy street. You are meant to learn to love doing hard things while laughing and loving with your few. I am BBTL. You want to come along, friend? It will be good transforming together. Truth.

Live hard. Love harder…

3 thoughts on “Truth…

  1. Love this kind of BTL convo.

    I commend your client’s intuition. I believe one must first accept one’s true identity before one can become one’s authentic self.

    Consider Moses, who had to reject Pharaoh’s sonship and accept his sonship as a Hebrew slave before he could become the leader of the Hebrew (not Egyptian) nation.

    Good “and” — just like A comes before B, so accepting comes before becoming.

    1. Accept, reject, become. Rinse until your squeaky clear. There you are. Rinse and repeat. Transform together. Thanks, as always, Gu for the and to the and…

      Sent from my iPad


  2. Another nuance not to miss is the “and” between become and belong. Getting one squeaky clear helps the other. Together, becoming transforms belonging, and belonging transforms becoming. Just like Moses, accepting your true identity leads to knowing whom you belong with, whom you belong to, and who you must become.

    What a perfect Passover and Easter story — so much here. Thank you, Toto.

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