One of my bolted on beliefs is around feeling life. I believe in feeling life. I believe we are designed to feel, think, and act if we are to live well, CORE centered and OPUS focused lives. On days like today, I rather wish to change this belief. You see, today, I am depleted. Baby boy filled us to overflowing and now we’re sitting in an empty lounge waiting for our bird to arrive and take us home. Soon we’ll be 3,778 miles away from baby A, Andrew, and Ek. At the moment we’re in “no mans land.” We are not home and we are not with those we came to see.
I’m sitting in this feeling (crying at the moment with my Miss) and reflecting on the sweetness of what has been and what will soon be. This side of Heaven, the best we can hope for is to savor the sweet and swallow hard on the bitter. Life is bitter and sweet. Poison and wine. We cannot feel the highs fully without allowing ourselves to acknowledge the lows.
I will not stay low for long. The smells of home will soon fill my nostrils. Friends will arrive in the mañana to push, pull, and plank. Practices will fill my Thursday and fuel me. Miss and I will sleep better in our own bed. We’ll reflect. We now know where baby boy lives. We know his favorite parks and paths. We know his routine and we know he loves grandma’s arms and chest better than his beddie (or so it seems). We know he knows us and we feel hopeful in anticipation of our return, The Lord willing, someday soon.
Feelings are not meant to be suppressed or ignored. Feelings are not the opposite of facts. All decisions, remember, are emotional. The amygdala and Neo-cortex are designed to work in harmony. Yesterday I was full to overflowing. Today? Deplete and down. Tomorrow? I’ll be lit, laughing, learning, and loving. I’ll be savoring the sweet and stronger, more resolved to face the inevitable sorrow. Feelings will not rule me, neither will they frighten. Fact. Feel life. Good.
Live hard. Love harder. Feel life.