For the past 20 years I have been fortunate to work with some great clients and together building long term client relationships and having the opportunity of impacting the growth of these businesses. Two of these long-term clients worked in business sectors that provided an array of products and marketing for the female population. These businesses were mostly populated at the executive level by females, and I would have to agree with Chet, Self-Shaming or Hard on Self and DOWN on SELF was on the agenda of topics we would discuss and practice around.
While sitting in on one of Chet’s practices with an incredible team of men and women who were being very transparent with each other, I witnessed once again a young lady being way to hard on herself. She simply said, “I have two young kids and I just never seem to get it right! I feel like I’m one foot in the business and one foot out. I just can’t seem to find the balance I need to feel whole or aligned like some of you.”
Then the CEO shares what he sees from her on a day-to-day basis. “Please, just keep doing the great job your doing, your strong, you’re as committed as anyone on our team and tell me what I can do to help you and I will do my best to help you.”
Now trust me, I heard plenty from the men in the room that have their struggles and they too were very transparent. However, this subject of women in the workplace and that deep maternal instinct of caring for their children and the cognitive dissonance it can cause a woman is overwhelming at times and that is my observation. So, this is no simple subject and clearly men and women and society have not figured it all out and lots of room for improvement.
What I have also observed, is strong female leaders, like the women I just described, choosing to do the hard work of looking within, understanding their own identity, their integrity gaps and what is triggering those Rat Brain shamming thoughts and how can we get out in front of them.
It takes courage to be transparent, authentic and honest with others. It’s the only way of building strong transformational relationships, the kind that give us strength. Will you be ridiculed at times and labeled as the whinner, complainer….well, you know the drill! Trust me, when you have the courage to meet these issues head on, you will find more answers and the respect of others.
It will never be perfect, you will never get it all right so quit beating yourself up! Fnd that one reoccurring Rat Brain thought that is endlessly shaming you, write about it, wrestle with it and commit to one, just one productive action or thought that will be your mantra, baby step it and then find another triggering thought.
“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” Proverbs 4:23