God, help me with division…

I’m divided.

Our first two sons were fathered by a dad who spanked ’em, disciplined them, and demanded performance from them. And, who played with them like a big brother. I always wanted a little brother and at 25 I guess I thought I had one. I was a tough and tender dad – never a screamer but I meant business. I took my responsibility as their dad seriously and tried to do it right. I read about it, talked to Pastors about it, tried different approaches with Miss, and was very involved with them.

Our next two were fathered by a dad who couldn’t be tough any longer. I never spanked Krit and never even thought about spanking Tay. Miss would say I spoiled them both.  I played with them all like a banchee. I think I disciplined them kinda but nothing like the first two. It’s hard to admit, but true. Since I started BTL when they were both still at home, I got to show them work and life becoming integrated. They noticed a more humane human, I tend to think. They actually saw their Dad when they came home from school and oftentimes when they left. I didn’t put Tay to bed like I did the first three. I went up to his bed and we cuddled. We cuddled for years. He kept inviting me up. I couldn’t ever say no. I couldn’t ever say no. There’s the theme of my dadship; I couldn’t ever say no. In my mind at least, the first two never asked. I guess I’m probably partially to blame. You see, being a Dad has always been my most important job. I’ve poured myself into it. I’ve done the best I could, been present and put off promotions to be even better. I’ve done a lot of things right and yet I’m shocked at how I went wrong.

I’m a divided Dad and live in a divided house. I want things to be put to rights. I want justice and prefer grace. I want somebody to recipricate and I don’t even know how to keep score properly. And, the funniest piece to my puzzle is I’m the toughest builder of leaders I’ve met. I am super tough on my clients, just ask them. I kick butt all day and everyday. I make my clients do what they can and my clients can do a lot. Yet when I look at my leadership in the world of work and reflect back on the early promotions, the crazy successes, the great teams I’ve led and been a part of, the hallmark of my leadership was anything but tough. I wasn’t tough on anybody. I barely delivered tough news to anybody until Quinner stopped me in my tracks one day in Chicago and told me I was supposed to be running a company; not a country club. Funny, huh…

I guess I’m just some kinda divided dude. I started out my business life pussyfooting around; tougher than nails now. I started out my dadship demanding and tough and now I can’t even act like it if I want to. Hell, Miss has to be the bad dad at least some of the time or it just aint happening! God knows I’m divided in countless more ways than my conscious mind can even handle. And yet He still loves me. Oh how I wish I was capable of that kinda virtue; that kinda Dad is the one I want.

And, someday, He promises to take all these kinda divisions and make ’em whole. God promises to put all things to right. It is good to believe there is a Dad whose NOT divided. It is good. I hope you Dads out there are doing your best and getting comfortable with your division. And it is my prayer that you allow your heavenly Dad to help you and all your divisions. You see, I believe, He’s just that kinda Dad. I guess that’s why I can’t stop asking…

God, help me. God, help me with division…


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3 responses to “God, help me with division…

  1. ohiobakes

    Good and interesting, too.

    On Tue, Jun 27, 2017 at 10:16 AM, BUILT TO LEAD wrote:

    > Chet posted: “I’m divided. Our first two sons were fathered by a dad who > spanked ’em, disciplined them, and demanded performance from them. And, who > played with them like a big brother. I always wanted a little brother and > at 25 I guess I thought I had one. I was a to” >

  2. Chet,
    I have never seen you do a lick of yard work or put Christmas tree lights or pound a nail….. why would you? That would only take time away from you playing with your kids and my son Ryan and Meg. You said it it loud and clear with your actions, you were there always for your children and half the neighborhood kids……being a good Father was job ONE for you and that my friend is a fact and I have always admired you for that deep conviction!
    Thanks for being there for my kids, I know I could have done better!

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